Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Will you blow on my dice?
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
