hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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