Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
