I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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