There is no way he is gay with that hair.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
