Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
