i permit you to call me
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
