i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
