do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
