please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
