i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
