I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
