Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
