Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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