Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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