I saw his package. It spoke to me.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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