I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
