I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
