I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
