is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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