Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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