if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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