apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
