Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Randomize
