You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
She's the barista slut.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
