Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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