before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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