We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
