Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
