I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
