closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
