Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
