he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
