Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
