I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone