I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"