So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I have feelings that need drinking.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.