home. puking in laundry basket.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
