Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
