with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
