A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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