Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
