i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
