I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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