cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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