did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
