I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
