Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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