what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
false alarm. still invincible.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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