Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
