Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
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