i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
