I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
he high fived his dick after we had sex
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
