You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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