remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
