My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
