Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
My penis needs a shock collar
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
