Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
