i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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