Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
