He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
