I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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