Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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