Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
