similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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