the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
