Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Randomize
