I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
