No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
