We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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